What’s Wrong With The Olympics? No Good Enemies
I’m not expecting any great memories to come from the snowy slopes of Torino. There will be moments of high drama, no doubt, and much of the world will tune in at one time or another, because, well, that’s what we do when a big mega-event comes our way. The next couple of weeks will pass by pleasantly enough, and I’m sure the athletes will acquit themselves admirably and make their families very, very proud (with the notable exception of a certain well-known U.S. Ski Team member).
By another measure, however, the Games are as good as over already. Forget figure skating, for a moment, with its reality-show-presaging built-in drama. Other than that undeniably successful event, what do you remember from the last Winter Games? What was your favorite moment? Honestly, do you remember any? Can you even name three competing athletes from one of the other sports?
The most immediate memory most people retrieve from recent Olympics is some variation of a sickeningly sweet human interest story from Jim McKay, the undisputed Sultan of Saccharine Schmaltz. Actual competition has taken a backseat to heart-tugging stories of overcoming adversity that would not be out of place on an Oprah Winfrey broadcast. That’s not because the athletes are in decline – on the contrary, untold millions are spent around the globe identifying and training potential medalists from just out of the cradle. Today’s Olympic athlete is capable of almost superhuman feats, even without performance enhancers.
No, the real problem is that the BIG storyline is missing. We have no good Olympic enemies anymore. The one totally tangible memory that most people have (even people who didn’t watch it, in the curious way these things work) of a real athletic moment of glory is Al Michaels asking “Do you believe in miracles?’ as the United States defeated the Soviet Union at long last on the hockey rink at Lake Placid. That’s the Soviet Union, not Russia, and we’re talking Cold War here.
The Soviet Bear was the ultimate Olympic adversary. Capable of winning huge medal counts, a system of recruiting and training that Huxley could have envisaged, copious use of banned substances – really, Hollywood could not have scripted it any better. Why, the very attendance of the Soviet and American teams was used as a pawn in diplomatic scuffles at the highest levels.
Our proudest moment in any sporting event is not winning, but humiliating our enemies. No one wants their alma mater to squeak out a three-point victory over their hated rival on a disputed touchdown – we want to crush the fools. Anyone who doubts the verity of that assertion should witness the fanatical, even violent, devotion of most of the world to its soccer teams. The World Cup, like the Olympics, is at its core a symbol of raw nationalism.
Even before the Soviets, there were moments of pure beauty that resulted solely from the juxtaposition of conqueror and conquered (the triumphs of Jesse Owens in the Reich of Adolf Hitler come to mind). And today…well, what? Who can fill the role of these giants today? Osama bin Laden is an enemy for the ages, but the Al Qaeda skiing team is, well…let’s just say they stink. Saddam, he’s rotting in prison, and the Iranians and North Koreans simply can’t field the quality teams of our old Soviet adversaries (though Kim Jong-Il certainly fills the rule of maniacal despot with aplomb).
To be sure, a world with as few mortal enemies as possible is one to be greatly desired, but it’s not an enemy shortage we face – we have plenty of those, thank you very much. What we are lacking is a well-defined mortal enemy with a dedication to fielding first-rate athletes at the appropriate global get-togethers.
One nation presents itself as a worthy sports adversary – it’s a global military and economic power with Communist leadership and a population that dwarfs our own. It has an atrocious record on human rights and censors speech and political opposition, to boot. China, alas, is destined to disappoint us; its leadership is faceless and aging, and it shows just enough desire to engage with the West and even adopt ‘capitalistic’ business practices to offset any attempts at labeling it as the new ‘Evil Empire’. No, our future with China is more likely (thank God!) a peaceful one, with low-level disputes simmering under the surface, but no outright military confrontations.
That means one thing for sports fans – unless Kim Jong-Il makes drastic changes to his Olympic program, we’ve got a lot more human-interest stories on the way. Pass the popcorn, dear – here comes Jim McKay…
Comrades,
I’m sorry (well, not really) but I can’t get the slightect bit interested in Winter Olympics. Even the regular Olympics bore the crap outta me. The coverage, as you pointed out, is rediculously mind-numbing, and every one NOT working for the Olympics is standing outside hawking souvenirs or trying to hustle overpriced tickets in the nosebleed sections.
The Olympics used to be centered around combat sports. Running, Wrestling, Javelin, Discus, etc. It was stylized combat and an arena for the best warriors to show off their skills and shame everyone else. Now we have ballroom dancing. Curling. What a waste of the genepool.
Thank G*d there’s still some Danish beer in the fridge and a stack of DVD’s that need watching. There’s always the NFL channel.
Heck, if all else fails I could do housework. There’s still some vacuuming that needs to be taken care of…… Olympics? PPPHHHTTTTT….. isn’t that the Greek word for Mafia?
Respects,
Gwedd
From today’s Borowitz Report: “A member of the U.S. Olympic ski team was disqualified from competition today when it was learned that he did not have a sufficiently compelling human storyline to exploit on the NBC telecast of the worldwide sporting event.”
Unless you refer to Firenze, Venezia, Milano, Roma and Napoli in casual conversation, which I am willing to assume Katie Curick does not, it is Turin. Turin. As in Shroud of. Shroud of Torino sounds stupid.
All of NBC is suddenly turning into Eurotrash.
I originally had Turin in the post, but it seems that Torino is the more common referral…so I went with Torino out of ignorance as to what is more proper…
I was not implying that you are Eurotrash. Just NBC, which has gone on this whole “Torino” thing, which I find unbelievably contrived.
Oh, no, I didn’t take it that way…I prefer Turin, as well, but I just wasn’t sure…
George Orqwell made much the same point–that the point of the Olympics was sticking it to your political enemies.
True enough – President Peanut made that quite obvious during his boycott of the Russians back in the day.
In addition to the lack of a big enemy, the Winter Olympics is hampered by a much smaller (and weaker) set of events than the Summer Olympics has. Figure skating and hockey are the only real draws.
Sports like downhill skiing just weren’t meant to be spectator sports. In a running race or swimming race everyone is doing it at the same time, which brings out the competition for the spectators. How difficult would it be to digitally reedit the downhill skiing, luge, bobsled and such to show all the competitors racing down the hill together?
I really can’t wait for the figure skating though. I usually record it if I’m having to work late at the office. I will probably at least tune in for the Opening Ceremony until I get bored of it.
Also, Katie Curic has supposedly been pulled because rumor still has it that she will anchor CBS evening news. She is at least pulled from the opening ceremonies.
Ah, a little gossip, eh? I love it…
McKay has become a caricature of himself, but I remember his amazing reporting during the Munich Olympics. He displayed grace under extreme pressure (and he was only a sports guy), and he never flinched or editorialized the awful hostage situation in progress.
When he reported on the terrible aftermath, almost immediately after he had reported that the hostages had been rescued, was unforgettable. “They’re all gone,” was how he ended his broadcast of their murders.
dmac, indeed – that coverage outweighs all the shlock that followed by a country mile…
[...] Those explanations seem plausible enough, but we think another factor might also be at work. Today’s Games are en route to becoming the least watched in years because they tilt against historical winds–namely, the end of the Cold War and the subsequent waning of nationalist impulses. Me, eight days ago: The most immediate memory most people retrieve from recent Olympics is some variation of a sickeningly sweet human interest story from Jim McKay, the undisputed Sultan of Saccharine Schmaltz. Actual competition has taken a backseat to heart-tugging stories of overcoming adversity that would not be out of place on an Oprah Winfrey broadcast. That’s not because the athletes are in decline – on the contrary, untold millions are spent around the globe identifying and training potential medalists from just out of the cradle. Today’s Olympic athlete is capable of almost superhuman feats, even without performance enhancers. [...]